I have learned through my work as a therapist, and my work as a patient in analysis, and through my experience of life, that disappointment – as detestable as it is – is absolutely vital. Counterintuitive as it sounds, I think a better life is one with more disappointment in it.

If we are too afraid of this feeling, we will remain stuck where we are, unable even to step outside the front door. It is easy to see how seeking to avoid disappointment could lead us never to try anything new, never to embark on a new relationship in case it ends badly, never to apply for a new job in case we don’t get it, never to take a risk on something we might enjoy or might not enjoy. This, of course, is the surest way to live a disappointing life. Allowing this feeling in and listening to it is crucial for learning from experience and working out what is truly important to us. I used to consciously lower my expectations so that I didn’t have to feel disappointed if something didn’t work out – but I’ve realised now that this is just another way of turning away from something that really needs to be faced.

Moya Sharner, en The Guardian